


"Don't leave me."

by katychan666



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst with happier end, M/M, Magnus deserves the world, Promise of better future, Protective Alec, The balcony scene extended, kind of, spoilers for 3x17, vulnerable magnus
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-09
Updated: 2019-04-09
Packaged: 2020-01-07 07:59:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18406454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katychan666/pseuds/katychan666
Summary: (The proposal scene, extended)Don’t,” whispered Magnus and gripped on Alec. “Don’t leave me, don’t hate me,” he said and Alec’s eyes were wide now again. “Don’t leave me, I’m so sorry, just don’t…. please don’t leave me, because I can’t-”Alec pulled back and held Magnus’ face, which was a mess. Eyeliner all smudged, tears still streaming down his face and Alec shook his head. “Leave you? Magnus I would never,” he said and his own voice broke as well as his lower lip started trembling. “I would never leave you, Magnus, I love you."





	"Don't leave me."

“I should go,” said Magnus after taking a moment of silence and Alec's eyes widened, looking at the hidden ring on the table, slowly realising that proposal wasn't going to happen that evening. Slowly, he was starting to realise that Magnus was hurting even more than before. The drinking, the spiteful words, Magnus picking a fight… It didn't hurt Alec, because he knew Magnus didn't mean it. Magnus, on the other hand, wanted to be alone. He had just ruined a lovely dinner that Alec put a lot of effort into it and he was… he was  _ ruining _ everything. “Before I kill both of our appetites,” said Magnus and wanted to turn around.

 

Alec panicked and placed a hand on Magnus’ chest, gently holding him in place. “Stop,” said Alec, heart beating hard and uneven. “Stop, Magnus, listen, I,” he said, trying to make Magnus to listen to him, but Magnus wasn't. He just wanted to be alone. Alone with his grief, alcohol, locked away in a room, without hurting anyone else. Magnus was aware that he was hurting Alexander, but he also… feeling a lump forming in his throat, Magnus tried to push Alec away, but the other wasn't budging at all. “I love you. Can you just-” said Alec and Magnus’ heart broke again. 

 

Yes, yes he knew how much Alexander loved him and that was why he needed to go. He couldn't have Alec see this ugly, spiteful side of himself, eyes burning with tears as he was begging Alec to move, but the hunter didn't move, not even an inch and he looked away. At the moment, Magnus hated himself more than anything else… he was hurting the man that he loved and that meant the world to him. What kind of person did that?

 

“I just want to help,” said Alec, desperation clear in his voice and Magnus’ heart cracked again, slowly bleeding and he couldn’t stop it.

 

“I know you do, but you can’t,” said Magnus and wanted to walk past Alec, who pushed him again, holding him in his arms then and wasn’t going to let him go. He knew that if he let Magnus go, then something terrible would happen. He needed to show Magnus that he was going to be there for him, not only through the good, but through the bad as well and his entire body was shaking. If only Magnus would allow him to help him. 

 

“Listen, Magnus-”

 

“Alec, stop!” said Magnus, because he couldn’t handle it. Couldn’t handle Alexander being so kind to him, when he was anything but nice to him in return. Magnus didn’t deserve it; he just wanted to be left alone. Magnus was afraid that Alec might leave him and he-

 

“Stop-”

 

“Alec, let me go!” said Magnus, much louder than he intended, his emotions raw, the mask stripped away and he was fighting back his tears. He didn’t want to break down, didn’t want to show Alec how weak he was  _ again.  _ Alec called him strong, but he wasn’t. Magnus was weak, pathetic and-

 

“Listen-”

 

“You can’t,” said Magnus, pushing Alec away, going rougher and his heart was shattered. Alec was leaving him after this, that was going to be it. And you know what, just for a second, Magnus thought he deserved it. That set something of in Magnus as he was pushing Alec away, struggling and Alec felt his heart breaking for Magnus, but he wasn’t going to let him walk away. Alec wasn’t going to do the same mistake twice; he wasn’t going to pretend that Magnus was okay, because he wasn’t. And he needed him, more than ever before, Alec’s eyes burning with tears as he in the end only wrapped his arms around Magnus, tightly, holding him and Magnus struggled even more.

 

“Magnus, stop. Let me be here with you,” said Alec, softly, desperately, Magnus’ name said like a prayer and Magnus, who finally stopped struggling and broke down. “Please, please,” was chanting Alec and this hit Magnus harder than expected, holding onto Alec tightly while he burst in tears, sobbing loudly and Alec’s eyes were wide, looking at the ring again and he then just looked away. 

 

Forget the proposal, said alec to himself. It wasn’t important anymore, Magnus’ well being was a priority now and Alec felt so helpless. He couldn’t… he couldn’t help Magnus. He didn’t know how. Maybe he wasn’t doing enough, maybe Magnus needed someone else than him. Maybe… Alec gripped on Magnus tighter and held him tightly to himself, pressing a kiss on his head, while Magnus’ sobs had gotten even louder, just sobbing, coughing, gripping on Alexander like his life depended on it. It did… in a way, it did depend.

 

Magnus felt Alec’s hand on top of his head, gently caressing it, trying to soothe some of the pain away. He was prepared to do everything just for Magnus to stop being in pain. His heart twisted and Magnus’ eyes widened when he heard Alec’s soft sniffles against his ear, gritting his teeth. This was his fault, they were about to have a nice dinner and-

 

“I’m sorry,” said Magnus, breaking the silence, his words mixed with tears, gasps and sobs. “I’m so sorry, Alexander, please forgive me,” were the words of a broken man. “I’m sorry, please don’t… I am sorry for what I’ve said before. I didn’t mean… Alexander, please forgive me,” was chanting Magnus over and over again, Alec shaking his head.

 

“There’s nothing to forgive, Magnus, you did nothing wro-”

 

“I said hurtful things that I didn’t mean,” whispered Magnus and closed his eyes, sobs spilling out of his mouth as fear settled within him. “Don’t,” whispered Magnus and gripped on Alec. “Don’t leave me, don’t hate me,” he said and Alec’s eyes were wide now again. “Don’t leave me, I’m so sorry, just don’t…. please don’t leave me, because I can’t-”

 

Alec pulled back and held Magnus’ face, which was a mess. Eyeliner all smudged, tears still streaming down his face and Alec shook his head. “Leave you? Magnus I would never,” he said and his own voice broke as well as his lower lip started trembling. “I would  _ never _ leave you, Magnus, I love you,” he said and Magnus looked down, still sobbing and Alec kissed him hard, with all that he got and another muffled sob escaped past Magnus’ lips when he was pulled into the kiss, kissing Alexander back with the same need and desperation, panting for air as he pulled back and he swallowed thickly, closing his eyes.

 

Alec hugged Magnus’ face, gently wiping away the tears on Magnus’ cheeks with his thumb, kissing Magnus’ cheeks, nose, eyelids, lips and forehead. Magnus gasped when he was pulled into the shower of kisses and he couldn't  _ breathe _ again, choked up and tears were spilling again, Alec shaking his head. Alec bit his lips and pressed their foreheads together. “Magnus,” whispered Alec. “Tell me what to do… how can I make this right? How can I help you?” asked Alec and Magnus shook his head.

 

“I-I don't know,” said Magnus and looked down. “I don't… I'll never… it'll never get better,” said Magnus, broken and swallowed back another sob, Alec's heart breaking again. But how could it break when it wasn't even full to start with? “I'll be a burden, I don't want to become a burden to you, Alexander. I don't-’’

 

Alec cut him off, shaking his head. “There's no way you could ever be a burden for me. Never, ever. Magnus, you can't… I love you-”

 

“I don't deserve you. I'm-”

 

“By the Angel, Magnus,” said Alec and held Magnus tightly. “You stubborn man, how many times do I have to…” said Alec, voice trailing off and he took in a breath. “How could you not see that you're my everything?” asked Alec, on the verge of sobbing himself and Magnus shook his head. He messed up  _ again.  _ “Magnus,  _ please-” _

 

Magnus wanted to run again, but instead, he clutched on Alec. “Alexander-”

 

“Yes?” asked Alec and gently cradled  Magnus’ face. “Tell me, what… I'll do anything, so-”

 

“Just… can you just,” said Magnus and tears were in his eyes again. “Hold me. Please, hold me,” said Magnus desperately and that broke Alec as well. Magnus was begging, Alec giving him a gentle kiss, wrapping his arms around him. Magnus had lost so much, losing Alexander would be devastating, so his heart was filled with a spark of happiness when Alec assured him that he wasn't going anywhere, sobbing again as Alec took him into his room, so that they could be alone.

 

Alec wanted to go to the door to lock them, but Magnus stopped him, grabbing his wrist and pulled him closer. “Don't go,” pleaded Magnus and Alec just kissed him again, Magnus slowly tugging Alec to the bed, the hunter shaking when Magnus pushed him on the bed, breath shaking again and Alec only wrapped his arms around his boyfriend as Magnus pulled him down.

 

Magnus begged to be touched and kissed, Alec giving what he wanted… which was to feel Alexander next to him. To feel the heat of Alec's warmth against his body… for Alexander to love him, make love to him, drown him in his love completely and Magnus was sobbing, overwhelmed. Because he could feel through Alec's kisses, touches, the way he moved inside of him… filling him with his love, pouring his love into Magnus, who couldn't handle it. Alexander was his everything, their bodies moving as one as they panted, clinged onto each other.

 

It was different from their other times that they've made love. There were no chaste, fast kisses. It was innocent, pure… Like their love was. They moved slow, Alec making sure Magnus was okay, that he felt pleasure and love. It was something they both needed. No lust, no hunger… but the need to express their love for each other. Magus reached heaven and beyond, chanting Alec's name like a mantra, Alec holding Magnus close, who finally relaxed in his arms, Alec shuddering as he leaned down to kiss Magnus.

 

“I love you, I love you,” whispered Magnus, no longer crying, holding Alec's face.

 

“I love you too,” said Alec, a little smile on his face as he was gazing into the eyes of the man he loved. “We're going to get through this. I'm not going anywhere,” promised Alec and Magnus nodded, thumb rubbing Alec's cheek. Now that he calmed down, he felt a bit better, keeping Alexander close, cuddling up next to him.

 

“You're my everything,” whispered Magnus in his state of vulnerability and Alec kissed his temples.

 

“I promise, I'll make this okay,” said Alec because he had a plan. One that involved getting Magnus’ magic back. If Asmodeus could take Magnus’ magic away then he was also going to return it. Alec _ didn't  _ care what the price was going to be, he couldn't watch Magnus suffer any longer. Magnus kept sacrificing himself over and over again and it was his turn to take action and do something.

 

Magnus frowned. “What?”

 

“I think it's time I have a little chat with your father,” said Alec and his eyes darkened. 

 

Magnus shook his head. “Alec, don't-”

 

“I have a plan,” said Alec and Magnus narrowed his eyes. “You  _ will _ get your magic back and then when I come back from Edom, I'm gonna marry you,” blurted out Alec and Magnus gave him a surprise look.

 

“W-wha-” stammered Magnus.

 

“And then I'll say fuck you to the Clave and marry you in Idris,” continued Alec, making Magnus burst out laughing, because the way he said it was hilarious. Magnus should be more enraged by Alec's plan, but all he could do was chuckle. He was just… Alec made him happy.

 

“What a lovely plan,” said Magnus with a smile and Alec smiled as well, kissing Magnus again.

 

“And then we'll adopt many kids.”

 

“Oh,” said Magnus with amused voice and then laid back down, placing head over Alec's chest, drawing little hearts into the bare skin, pressing a kiss over Alec's chest and the hunter squeezed Magnus closer.

 

Alec was going to bring Magnus’ magic back.

 

One day, everything was going to be okay and this will be just one faded memory and they were going to be happy.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading ;)  
> Leave a comment if you liked it ❤


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